I have a theory. All the belligerent powers of the world are merely playing Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Consider the Middle Easterners:

They play Rock.

So they would naturally get their asses kicked by the Nazis, who play Paper:


The Nazis, of course, got their asses handed to them by the Americans, who are, of course, Scissors:


By this theory, the Middle Easterners will kick our asses once THE WAR starts.

My hypothesis (we'll get owned in war) has now been proven by the RPS Theorem.

Your Heart is Blue

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

http://www.lemonbovril.co.uk/bushspeech/

A great link for this slow snow day, courtesy Wompa.

I woke up at 11am this morning and I've been on and off playing in the snow and playing Command & Conquer to warm up my poor frostbitten ears. I'm taking lots of photographs. My playing in the snow thus far has been accompanied by Andrew, the neighborhood's token lonely five-year-old kid. So while he slid down my driveway in a cardboard box, I walked up and down the street, snapping pictures on a disposable 35mm camera of my white-covered environs. Since Andrew seems to have gone inside, I'm going to head down the street and try the hill at the top of the neighborhood, an activity that I'd feel bad for letting such a young one indulge in without any kind of supervision. Maybe the other high-school chicks in the neighborhood will feel tempted to play in the snow too. That would make for a fun day and surely a good story to tell to my children. Once they're old enough to hear it.

Anyway, I suspect some good stories will come out of today - I jealously cringed at Nick's away message: SNOW/ICE + Brown Blvd = one heck of a good time. Back into the snow I go!

And I've finally been ripped off. I should be going for the Terry scholarship at UT, but for some reason my name just isn't on the list.

They must not like something about me. Like my shoes. Finally, someone who dislikes the blue suede shoes. :~(

http://www.hardocp.com/image.html?image=MTA0NTUyODc1M1J6NXVkbzR5cEFfMV8xX2wuanBn

A select few will survive the nuclear winter. One such person can be found in the picture by looking carefully.

The previous quote is an inside joke. If you don't get it, you're obviously on the outside and that's unfortunate for you.

But I arrived home today from making a horrible physics video at Alex's to find that Lindsey, the only remaining person I talk to from my Honors Colloquium clique, spotted the quote and made the convincing argument that said person was on an equestrian scholarship. It made me think, though. I've barely had those experiences where you're far from home, so far that you become defamiliarized with everything you know. Ones where you meet new people who live far away and you stay in touch with them and it's a really long time until you see them again, etc. etc.

Oh shit. I'm completely wrong. This is why I've played games for the last four years. And I have made those friends, and they're part of the reason why I'm going to Austin.

It's amazing how easily I lose perspective on things.

If it weren't for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college.

Now back to your regularly scheduled rant:

Let's talk politics for a minute. The following are my political views for the moment, completely and entirely expounded. Don't start threads in the comments and expect a response from me, because everything you need is right here and not tucked away in some unstable comment system. If you are easily offended, don't read this. If you read this entirely and become offended, you may for future reference consider yourself easily offended. Now, on to the War on Terrorism, and other observations.

Let's talk propaganda campaign. "Drug money supports terror." Sorry, kids, but passing around the joints behind the liquor store across the street from school is not helping out Osama in any way, shape, or form. This is because smoking weed and dropping ecstasy don't fund those fellas, so don't come talking to me until you're a heroin addict. Marijuana does not grow out in the sands of Terrorland, but poppy seeds do.

You want to know what really puts a few extra Franklins in the Al Qaida pocketbooks? Try "Oil money supports terror." Driving that gas-guzzling SUV and your second V8 BMW are letting the worst guns get into the worst of hands. Most Middle Eastern countries (the same ones who we say are harboring terrorists) get so rich from selling oil that they don't tax their own citizens at all. We, the United States of Automobiles, are the world's largest consumer of oil despite having less than a quarter of the population of China, the country at the top of the succession list for spots in the Axis of Evil. Very basic economic principles state that if we lower our own demand for oil, we will buy less oil, thus making those same �bad countries� less rich.

"But I need my SUV! haw!"
No, you don't. Shut the fuck up. You drive it alone 90 percent of the time, you never haul anything, and the sheer size of your car magnifies the slightest driving mistakes you make so that you put your "baby" in danger of getting scratched every time you look at your cell phone to see if anyone sent you any text messages while driving.

"Seriously! I'm driving my kids around; if I get in a wreck would I rather have them in an SUV or a Civic? haw!"
Let's talk physics for a minute. Force is the derivative of momentum (mass * velocity), which means that force (in this case the force of a collision) is amplified with increased mass. If two SUVs collide, the sheer force involved is about four times that of a collision of a mid-size car with another mid-size (assuming an SUV weighs twice what a mid-size does). This makes the odds less of your children flying out the windshield or, god forbid, killing someone's kids who you don't even care about. So have a little heart and shut the fuck up, because there are better, less harmless things that make status symbols, like houses or TVs.

Let�s talk conditions at home. Teachers are being given a tax break for paying to bring in their own supplies to school. Whatever happened to just fucking funding the school system and taking out the extra step? Average Joes are losing their jobs and so in response, Dubbya cuts dividend taxes. One small problem: average Joes don�t own enough stocks to actually profit from a lowered dividend tax, only extremely fucking rich people do. If Average Joe gets a $50 check in the mail for a split on his two shares of Microsoft stock, his $50 purchase of booze is not going to boost the economy. Sorry.

So everyone gets jealous of the successful white men and everyone except for the whites play the race card. And on the Eighth Day, there was Affirmative Action. And it soon became evident that racial quotas are an extremely fucking stupid idea. So whites decided to play the race card, and our quotas were declared unconstitutional, and it was good; except not really, because after the concept was struck down ten years ago, quotas are still around and all the wrong kids are getting the best college educations. Dubbya is doing something right in shooting down Affirmative Action � after all the work I�ve been put through and all the time I wasted in high school not getting smashed like everyone else, I deserve a little bit of merit-based aid in paying for college tuition.

And I�m sorry, but the fact that your grandparents 50 years ago were mistreated by whites does not mean that you deserve my spot in my school of choice despite my much, much higher test scores and proof of academic talent. You were given �opportunity� just like me � I simply used it better than you did, so shut up.

Let�s talk some more about what Dubbya�s done right: ending frivolous lawsuits, especially in health care. I�m sorry, but the fact that your 96-year-old great-grandmother died does not warrant a malpractice lawsuit that further inflates the enormous, money-filled HMO balloon. I�m not a religious man, but when it�s your time, it�s your time. No further questioning necessary.

Speaking of religion, let�s talk separation of church and state. Not as a concept, as a fact. Separation of Church and State. There, it exists on its own. It, in fact, does exist, so Baptists can shut the fuck up about abortion legislation violating God�s will. Catholics, you too can shut the fuck up, since I have a voter registration card to vote for the President and not for the Pope. If you want to follow the Pope, go to the Vatican and do so. I won�t hold it against you.

By the way, I�m referring to abortion as only a political issue, since the moral issues of abortion aren�t going to be solved by any number of rants.

�So what do you think of abortion, morally speaking? haw!�
If you really want to know, I think it should be allowed, but any woman having one done should be forced to look at what comes out of her to make her realize what potential she�s destroyed of her own accord. Oh, and it�s not like any ordinary woman will be able to wake up one morning and go have one done, because they�re expensive as hell under our grossly overinflated healthcare balloon. Not that any doctors will be doing them in 10 years � all the money being drained from the healthcare industry is going straight back to faith-based organizations. Fucking idiot doctors, quit bringing God into the picture and do your job. If I become a lawyer, it�s not my duty under God to keep poor Average Joe from being screwed by a cop abusing his power. It�s my job as a lawyer, so have a little respect for your fellow man and shut the fuck up.

And someone plays the gender card � �fellow man AND woman! haw!� Referring to all people as the single �man� is still acceptable English, so shut the fuck up. And while we�re at it, the expression �him or her� or �he or she� to refer to a single person is way over-inflated. Three words to refer to a single object or person is overexertion, so if you take offense at it create a neuter word and let me say that. Until then, shut the fuck up, you (male) or you (female).

Convince as many people as you want that abortion shouldn�t be done � but making it illegal will only leave us with underground abortion clinics. Remember the last time a moral conviction created a law? Try Prohibition. It created crime rings so notorious that they became popular culture. And alcohol still existed; it just sucked. If you thought the fear of terrorism was bad, just wait until we�re all living in fear of our own citizens starting the new wave of crime by secretly using a rusty coat hanger on Melissa�s third little bundle of joy.

Speaking of fear, corporate influence on government is here to stay. It�s my theory that on an under-the-table level, Crayola sponsored our color-coded �terrorism threat meter� so that anyone with a kindergarten education can understand that they�re all out to get us, not just the full-grown adults reading USA Today on a sixth-grade reading level. We don�t know how, where, when, or even fucking why they�re going to attack us, but all signs are pointing to it happening regardless.

So we protect ourselves using the Second Amendment right to bear arms. And we all buy guns to prove our might, because we all know that as a burglar breaks into your house and runs off with your ten-year-old daughter, you�ve got time to fish into the back of your closet, take out your gun case, put rounds inside your clip, load the clip and then go nail the guy who�s already done raping your daughter. (Despite that complication, dumb kids are incredibly efficient at accidentally killing one another with loaded guns). The Second Amendment was put in as a salute to John Locke, who wrote that if our government is inadequate then we can take action to replace said government � the right to bear arms makes it legal to start a revolution, and the First Amendment right to assemble makes it legal to let it happen.

Compare that to a country where guns are banned. They still exist, much like abortion if it were banned, but on a smaller scale. Through the 1990s, the number of deaths by gun in the United States was about 1500 times what it was in England. The US only has about 4.5 times as many people, which makes for over 300 more deaths by gun per capita. It is in fact possible to be nonviolent. Does it suck to be one of the 14 people killed in England in 1991? Certainly, just as much as it sucks to be one of the 22,000 who were killed in the US in 1991. So stop whining, because sometimes new ways of thinking do actually work.

Just like what was going on before the War on Terrorism. We had no reason to have North Korea or Iraq attack us during the 1990s; we were too busy in our splendid isolation enjoying the IPO of OrderCardboardBoxesOnTheWeb.com. People blame Clinton for not using the strong-arm on Iraq and every other country not in the Axis of Evil. Conservatives once again play with words, because Bush Sr. (the fella who started all this with reason enough) obviously messed enough shit up to not get re-elected after winning a goddamn war with resounding victory and efficiency.

So somebody played the race card again. There�s a draft proposal that doesn�t defer college students, so I�m just as likely to go to the front lines as Useless Joe who�s sitting in the unemployment line. Pro-lifers, want to talk about wasted potential? Send me to the front lines. I dare you.

We interrupt this rant for a bit of self-revelation:

My dad called today from an unknown number. Figuring it to be someone I didn't want to talk to, I left the phone unanswered. Dad identified himself in the voicemail. He called back less than an hour later and after some ju-jitsu small talk, I made him cut to the chase. Patti, my evil stepmom, waltzed in last night and told him that she was done trying to stay together. Dad packed a bag and got out. The unknown number turned out to be a Motel 6. He explained that Tom (a family friend; the two trained together for their tae-kwon-do black belts and survived) was going to come help him take his stuff into storage tomorrow.

For the first time in my life, I heard him stifle back tears over the phone. My father completely broke down.

I've already held up a parent once - one of my most horrible memories of my childhood is having my own mother leaning on me, crying for months after a divorce.

All of this a mere four days before Valentine's Day. He'll be spending the evening alone catching a movie on TBS in a darkened Motel 6 room while his life collapses around him: his two sons gone and successful on their own, his wife ripping off the mask of vanity and showing the very face of greed, his own family refusing to accept him for not having divorced the woman a year ago.

Suddenly, the connection between holidays and breakups appeared in my face as clear as daylight. I did the exact same evil thing to my ex-girlfriend.

"Yeah, but Valentine's Day is like the love holiday! haw!"
Stooping anywhere near the level of the evil stepmom is enough to make me sick. Sure, it's a silly teenage relationship and both of us had support from our friends. But there was a glimmer of something else that was crushed in the process of my reckless cruelty.

"Yeah, sucks for him, but he needs to grow up! haw!"
Yeah, the more disillusioned you are, the more potential you have to be happy. Imagine, though, for a minute that you're in the exact same situation. Imagine that you are suddenly alone, cast out from the new life you made for yourself. Imagine that your relatives will never want you back because they think you betrayed them. Imagine that your kids are successful not at all thanks to you and it wouldn't make a damned difference to them if you died right now.

If that's growing up, let me get hit by a fucking bus.

And what the hell is up with people taking weeks at a time off from the life? First Josh, now Kevin. My generation isn't the first to retire, but as far as I can tell there's a certain amount of good that come from just being a little less hardcore. I haven't played a competition game in about 6 months, but I've been enjoying myself just as much by playing Super Smash Bros. So I won't play Quake with the Austin Quake crowd when I get down there - but they'll still be really cool people to hang around with. Yes, Kevin and Josh (and anyone else thinking about going inactive), there's another life out there, and it's even nice at times. But why leave this one?

CD-quality net radio is the music of the gods.

Netmusique is the place to go if you're into techno of low or moderate energy. Jazzmusique is the best downtempo stream I've ever heard - stuff like Mark Farina's mixes and Thievery Corporation get played here all the time. Housemusique is for high-energy listeners who realize that 'high-nrg' trancy happy i've-had-too-much-exstacy techno is trash - here are some more serious beats that deserve more playtime. Still a bit mellow in tune but with a lot more adrenaline than Jazzmusique. Mostly unknown artists.

Oh, and broadband's required. If you've got a decent connection, head on over with your copy of Winamp3 and enjoy.

I had a brilliant idea last night. But I wasn't at the computer. From now on I'm going to have a notepad next to my bed so I can jot down all these brilliant rants to nobody and maybe someone will think I'm an insightful person for it. There's something about writing, something like athletics that relates to the psyche of the performer. Like the athlete, the writer has to get "in the zone" to do his or her own best. I've done some of my most inspired, most quickly-finished reports while dancing back and forth in my chair while techno music rocks on in the background. I'm doing the same right now as I wait for a sportscar to arrive to take me to Fry's for tonight's festivities since I'm kind of in a hurry. And to compensate for the fact that I was purely inspired 24 hours ago but now can't for the life of me remember what it was about the sentences that ran through my head connected like a $1,000 platinum-and-gold luxury jigsaw puzzle. It was political, it blasted people I didn't like, and it was extremely jaded. Nobody would have liked reading it anyway - but in 75 years it would have counted as one of the essential writings of the pre-World War III era.

The way my thoughts bounced around my head last night had the same brilliance as a Dennis Miller rant on a good night. Maybe I've got a career as one of the future Mahers or Millers of the world - speaking of which, I'm buying Bill Maher's new book because it's damned genius, every word of it. Imagine what would happen if the liberals used the same kind of aggressive rhetoric that the conservatives did. And yet every word was interjected with a brilliant logic that hasn't been so clear since the Greeks.

Buy it now.

Googlism thinks I'm the following:

blake is key that drives maryland
blake is disheartened but hopeful
blake is looking for her
blake is terrified wife's killer
blake is denied bail hearing for now
blake is escorted into la police headquarters
blake is worth the price
blake is first piece in saints' jigsaw puzzle
blake is going for oj defense at news
blake is not particularly durable
blake is the best
blake is "fast asleep
blake is leaving behind
blake is born
blake is playing
blake is going for oj defense
blake is terrified wife's killer may be after his daughters
blake is denied bail hearing for now by jean guccione
blake is escorted into police headquarters in downtown los angeles on april 18 after he was arrested for investigation of murder in connection
blake is congratulated by andre agassi at the legg mason tennis classic
blake is outjumped by macclesfield town's kyle lightbourne
blake is centennial professor of psychology
blake is known as a man of character
blake is a really lovely name
blake is held by the estate of david v
blake is arrested in shooting death of wife
blake is one of the major romantic poets
blake is best known as justin the blue power ranger
blake is a member of the faculty of both the university of the arts in philadelphia and the manhattan school of music in new york
blake is passe
blake is a jazz musician who seems to have a limitless musical vocabulary
blake is a fudge packer with a pin
blake is also targeting john locke
blake is 15 years old and is in 9th grade this year
blake is committed to reaching out to alumni families
blake is hanging in and holds serve but now he must hope for a lapse in concentration from his opponent that might help him get back
blake is a poop head
blake is arrested in connection with the slaying
blake is idealistic
blake is not certain who he is
blake is born in soho
blake is named a director of rhino publications limited
blake is older and/or more senior to ivan
blake is asking ivan to explain why he has made these investments
blake is acclaimed one of england's great figures of art and literature and one of the most inspired and original painters of his time
blake is a primary focus of the investigation now
blake is currently the past president of the association for information systems
blake is famous for getting out in the nick of time
blake is dramatising the fall from los's perspective
blake is a poet for an old man
blake is a beautiful 9 lb 4 yr old white pekingese boy
blake is innocent
blake is completing his third varsity season for the "warriors"
blake is now the first ceo of the us olympic committee and in marching into his first games on the
blake is president of the association of california water agencies and a member of its executive committee
blake is an outlaw
blake is frequently referred to as a mystic
blake is in jail and unavailable to help him prepare the case
blake is not responsible for bonny lee bakley? the unfortunate question
blake is 14 years old and is in 9th grade this year
blake is somewhat lacking in comparison
blake is on a planet he'd left a message for the crew he's oh so sorry gan is gone now and no longer sure what he can do
blake is also the director of the american federation of teachers breast and cervical cancer project
blake is not a flight risk and is not a danger to society
blake is a member of the american dietetic association and the massachusetts dietetic association
blake is going to be a solid nba player
blake is my special furry companion
blake is the 342nd most popular male first name in the united states; frequency is 0
blake is renown as a poet
blake is like a genius?" the man replied
blake is one of the 12
blake is truly an angel sent from god for me to watch over instead of to watch over me
blake is a fictional detective crying out to be rediscovered in the 21st century
blake is hopelessly pleasant
blake is perhaps best known for his work on binocular perception
blake is everything the atp tour wants its players to be
blake is nothing if not light
blake is writing one day and has
blake is invited on talk shows
blake is recaptured and put on trial for crimes against children
blake is in custody is irrelevant
blake is playing for the first time since february
blake is an accountant from cleveland who travels to the frontier community of machine sometime during the latter half of the 19th century
blake is a bit bemused at his success
blake is doomed from the start

Apparently I'm a renaissance man.