My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?

After spending a bit more time here, I'm catching on more to the real vibe of this town and of campus.

-Finding my way around campus is awesome, because I'm catching on more quickly than pretty much any other of the freshmen I know. I'm always the one handing out directions. It's fun being navigator.
-I'm singing like... every day, and it's getting to be really fun when people say "Blake, sing something!" or Matt (this really incredible pianist guy in the halls) sits down and plays a song I know and I just bust out with something like "Your Body is a Wonderland." All I can say to being a singer is this: :D.
-Speaking of which, I made the UT Men's chorus, only to find that it conflicts with my Biology class, so I'm stuck with not being in choir for a semester. Probably for the best anyway.
-Living in a largely liberal town is really, really, really cool. Yeah, it involves a certain amount of sacrifice of the things I righteously earned, but after living it I can see it's well worth it to raise the general standard of living. And don't ask for examples, because all the benefits are intangible and unexpected. Either you get it because you live here, or you just don't.
-My brother's apartment complex clubhouse has free cookies all day long. I want free cookies dammit.
-I swear, everyone you walk past will make eye contact with you and smile if you smile first. How cool is that?
-Clarification: DT = drive-through. Sorry. Blame it on the sleep deprivation.

I'm still meeting new people left and right. This whole living in the honors quad thing is really, really damn cool.

Today was my first P2 activity - the first Voltaire's Coffee at Professor Woodruff's house, just a few minutes down 15th. 35 P2-ites crammed into his living room and talked about Long Day's Journey Into Night for three hours straight. After that, the P2SA pimps were nicer than I ever could have imagined. One of the Co-Prezes, Tricia, was there with her boyfriend Daniel and one of the officers, Melisa. So Tricia was nice enough to ride with me while I followed Daniel, driving Tricia's car, to the C lot so I could park over there. From there, the plan was to give Melisa and me rides back to our dorms, but instead I was invited to eat with them at Katz's - a popular deli on Upper 6th. I got along with those three really well - and they seemed to take a real liking to me and my somewhat bizarre opinions - and it was a feeling I hadn't had since I was adopted by Adam Odeh and Lucy Gloyna in my freshman year of high school. Hell, Daniel and Tricia even kind of resembled Adam and Lucy. So after getting back to the dorm at midnight, I spent some time outside, got bored, and came home to finally catch up on the John Mayer Road Journal (it's the closest I can get to taking daily lessons from the man) and get even more psyched for Heavier Things to come out - it'll be a whole new bunch of music to learn! yay!

Lots upon lots of girls here. But Josh hit the nail on the head when he said "competition is fierce." Girls I meet and get along with are getting chased around by weirdo guys the next time I see them less than 24 hours later. I started out doing the same thing just to keep up with the pack, and then I realized it's fucking retarded to follow a girl's every footstep. Give them some fucking breathing space, idiot dorm residents. But on the brighter side, I got a call from a friend from orientation who I'm getting along with pretty well. I spent a pretty big chunk of the afternoon with her and she's freaking sexy - not in the Marilyn Monroe sense but more like she's a great companion. I hope that pans out.

Choir auditions tomorrow. I'm really psyched to get musical again. Oh, look, it's Thomas paying the old DT a visit:

indigoreeds: pfft, spoony choirboy
snagger64: only straight guy in a room full of hot girls turned on by musicians, and you've got what going for you again?

Please drive through sir.

is pretty damn nice. As luck would have it, I am in fact in a basement in Blanton. Apparently, three rooms were renovated just recently, so me and five other guys are the first to live in our own suite with three rooms, a bathroom, and a study area with leather funiture. Everything's brand spankin' new. So new, in fact, that RAs and sophomores didn't know people lived down here. It's kind of like driving to my house: it looks all kinds of ghetto all around until you get right into my neighborhood and suddenly everything looks nice and clean and new. The whole complex has a lockable door, so really we're all just a bunch of suitemates. Of the six of us, one hasn't shown up but we're sure he's an engineer. Three more are engineers (the room next door and my roommate) and there's one other P2 guy. Needless to say, it's kinda nerdy down here. And our bathroom even gets cleaned by DHFS. We have a window that's largely blocked but plenty of sunlight gets in. I just got done with my first round of ultimate frisbee and I'm awaiting pickup from the one and only Joshvar who I haven't seen in a bitch ass long time. Once I finish sneezing, at least. But yeah, of all the possible places to spend a year of college, I think I got the best thing on campus. I know I won't want to leave. Long live The Suite!

I'm alive in Austin. Already online, too. Will post details on my Swank� living circumstances once I'm done getting acquainted with everything around me.

Last post from home. I've already poured out my heart and soul and there's nothing to say except I can't wait to feel comfortable and settled in my wonderful new home of Austin, TX. I'll catch you all on the flipside.

Outside six or seven people, people don't really know about the last night at Quakecon. Here's part of the story:

Alex, Emma, Aroon and I came back to our hotel room and Aroon and I knock back a couple of Mike's Hard Lemonades. As everyone (along with Pablo and Amit) tries to go to bed to get some sleep before the last day, Aroon just gets more and more hyper. He constantly switches between the beds that belong to me and Alex/Emma making all kinds of noise, laughing hysterically at the small pranks I play on Amit in the dark. Amit promptly accuses both Aroon and me of being drunk from one Mike's. The craziness goes on for half an hour until we all lose patience and decide it's time to go to bed. But Aroon stays standing, silently looking out the window towards the southeast corner of downtown Dallas.

"Dude, what the hell are you doing?" I ask him, exasperated and ready for sleep.
"Dude.. this is my last ten hours in Dallas."

Without saying another word, I knew exactly what was going through his mind. He was taking in the landscape, as much as he could of it without the obstruction of a hotel at least. This place had been his home for as long as he could remember and now he had to leave it. He was trying to let his life flash before his eyes so that he wouldn't forget all the good and bad things he'd experienced. I suspected I'd be feeling the same thing before long.

The next morning we all rushed to get out of there so Alex could move into UNT and Aroon could catch his flight to Pittsburgh. After a two hour struggle to pack everyone up, myself and my two compadres stood outside three separate cars: Aroon's ride to DFW, Alex's van to go home and pack, and my humble car to just go home. There were manly hugs and handshakes and the going of separate ways. Right as I sat in my car, it hit me - it's all over. Sure, there will be reunions and such, but the real togetherness with my amigos is officially over.

I cried. I hadn't cried since I was eleven and my parents' split stressed me so much that I just flat lost it. These guys had taken me in as just some random smartass scrub who was way too into Nintendo and made me into a new person and showed me people and places I never thought I'd see. Now they were over. Gone. It all started during spring break of junior year, when Aroon and Alex came over to my house one day to chill when all three of us were bored. Alex, who I had never met before, turned out to be a pretty cool guy. I spent my whole summer with them (and eventually Thomas and Max as well) and I felt like part of the group. We were The Guys. As school started I felt crappy about returning to Oakridge, but I felt like I had a whole new perspective: yeah, there's still next to no one as cool as these guys at Oakridge, but at least they're out there somewhere. Meeting a whole new crowd of people who impressed me and challenged me and made me want to become a better person totally changed my life. And as I sat there in my car, watching I-30 traffic through cloudy eyes I found the answer.

"Fuck fame," I thought to myself. "Fuck fortune. Fuck success. Fuck the lifelong search for the answers to life. I'm 18 and I've already found the answer. It's friends. It's not the times you have, it's who you have them with. I wanted to feel guilt for not appreciating them more, but I couldn't have, because every time I was with those groups and at those giant parties I was happy, content, complete. I did everything I could do and I got everything I wanted in return."

And now that's gone. Sure, there are new friends in college, but I hope and pray that something beyond the power of mankind keeps this whole group of incredible together.

So, to:

Alex, Thomas, Max, Eric, Emily, Emily, Emily, Greg, Tina, Rachel, Rachel, Stephanie, Meg, Nick, John, Leslie, Amit, Frank, Pablo, Gus and the whole Hamster-Ball fan crowd (and that includes Harsimar!), Chris, Drew, AJ, Nathalie, Kathy, Stacie, Emma, Cameron, OJ, Mel, Erin, Josh, Wodarski, Syed, Phil, Jordan (even if I just saw you for a little), Sophia, my readers, and anyone I forgot out of pure honest stupidity (which includes Clint and Sarah!):

Thanks. I may not talk to some of you that often, or at all anymore, but I want you all to know that I've dropped all my grudges. A couple of you know that already. If I was mad at you, I've gotten the hell over it, and if I was scared of you then I've grown up. I truly love all of you.

And to the dude who's wondering why the hell I had to have left him out on purpose, Aroon:

I owe you everything, man. If not for a pure simple second of chance of us meeting at Oakridge I wouldn't have that list up there at all. But that list represents my answer to the happiness I was searching for as an obscure little four-year-old in Oakridge kindergarten who couldn't make friends. That list is my life over the last year and a half. And I couldn't be more proud of the result. Every single one of those people up there has had an immeasurable influence on my life and the person I've decided I want to be. And that person is a lot more likable, reliable, loving, independent, and fun to be around than would be possible had I not met any of you.

So tonight I drove down Davis St. - where surprisingly I find a lot of my memories locked up. I took my usual route home. I took the same route I had taken a million times home from Stephanie's house when I was busy between stupid schoolwork and falling in love and being mad at her, and a million times more from Max's house where I took my mind off my heartbreak, and a million more coming home from random friends' houses feeling exhausted and happy. I took in every stoplight, every intersection, every place where I went in town: A gas station here, a Hallmark store there, a pair of hole-in-the-wall pizza places. I came to realize that over the last year and a half I finally felt at home in this town, and faking attending that school, and with this group of friends. That may well have been my last drive home from a friend's house, tired and happy but quiet in my mind from the quiet night outside and the music filling my car.

Thank you. Every last one of you. It hurts me to leave you all, so please don't be a stranger in the future. And above all, keep having fun.

:)

If you like anything at all, if you "listen to everything," if you like hip-hop, if you like the good synth music from the UK, get The Streets "Original Pirate Material." It's the garage workings of Mike Skinner, a young vocalist from Birmingham who takes the grit of Detroit underground and makes it civilized (or civilised, just to fit the mood). It's got some serious lyrics mixed with hard and smooth beats and mellow synth work. Absolutely great stuff. Click.

So you have a TI-83? Want a new cover? I have one that's a translucent yellow. It makes your calculator look cool for all you "import calculator tuners" that I know lurk around here. But here's the catch: you have 24 hours from now to claim it. Give me a shout pronto, or else it's going in the closet as I leave.

So have some pictures!

Pic 1
Pic 2
Pic 3

I am a Centrist
Centrists favor selective government intervention and emphasize practical solutions to current problems. They tend to keep an open mind on new issues. Many centrists feel that government serves as a check on excessive liberty.

Basically, I'm in the middle of that little Centrists square but slightly to the left. So now the Internet supports my stand: I swing just barely to the left.

So Erin wrote this and I think it should be quoted here:

I am personally damned excited about rushing and I'd rather not hear anymore crap from anyone about how stereotypical, lame, loose-moraled, stupid, conforming, and horrible it is to want to go greek. I'm not even directing this at anyone in particular, because I've gotten that crap from just about everyone recently. I'd just like to point out that I would never trash anything anyone else wanted to do. I have pretty rock-hard beliefs in just about anything and if you'd care to discuss it, I'm more than willing. *end rant*.

I'm not stirring up controversy on this one, I'm just trying to get everyone to a friendly conclusion. Yes, I'm naturally averse to greeks. Yes, it's because of the exact stereotype that Erin just described. Like any stereotype, this one has its exceptions and those people know who they are. I think it boils down to an issue of trust: I can't rely on the stereotypical lame loose-moraled stupid conformists. Nor do I find them interesting. So, dear Erin, have fun. I probably won't like the vast majority of your housemates but I still like ya, chica.

Yes! A great 25 pictures came out of the last hurrah for the SSB crew, as we came to be known. For the occasion, I created a new site: files.snagger.org takes you to my hosted webspace with Comcast, where I've stuck up the pictures for now. Hopefully once Aroon/Nick get settled in at their respective institutions I can move that over to one of their servers, but this will do for now. So if you went to Quakecon, click here to reminisce with me over the times we had. Or if you didn't go, go see what it looked like and what sleep deprivation and caffeine can do for you.

Ain't that cute. I get home from our whole group dissolution to find that my optical cover turned up.

Emma did a really good job putting down on paper everything that went through my head on the way home. It's sad to see the group dissolve. It really is. It's been the source of my happiness for the last two years and now everything seems empty. I can't wait for the reunion, at least. Don't forget, it's just three easy steps: flip it, stick it, and see ya later bye!

Back from Quakecon. A lot of things happened for bad and good and it's really too heavy for me right now to reminisce on the fantastic weekend that went down. So I'll do some small business:

-Pulled roughly 15GB of stuff. English DVD-quality dubs of Cowboy Bebop (so I'm not a purist, fuck off!) and about 12.5 GB of new MP3s. Mostly ambient techno but managed to get fixed versions of a few albums I had broken as well as the absolute best mp3 I've grabbed in a long, long time: the Daft Punk Essential Mix. If you're a fan, you have to have this thing. Send me an IM for the hookup.
-Tried to install Red Hat out of curiosity. As always, a mistake. Now I'm missing 10 gigs of hard drive space and I can't make Partition Magic undo its own work.
-Running on Knoppix right now and it's damn cool. Knoppix is a Linux distro based on Debian that runs directly off a bootable CD. So just burn the CD, boot from it, and after about 2 minutes you're up and running in KDE3 with fully functional copies of WINE and OpenOffice among all the usual stuff (Gaim, Mozilla [eww]) and even really cool desktop games! Really, there's an open-source version of every good classic arcade game. Oh, and it reads FAT/NTFS partitions so you can pull over all your MP3s and keep listening. Best of all, once you reboot your computer is 100% back to normal as if you had never run Linux in the first place. So yeah, if you'rwanting to tinker, fuck Red Hat, grab Knoppix.
-Finally some downtime now that I'm home. This week is relax and do chores week and I'm thankful for the slow times after going nonstop for a week. Time to crank up the chill tunes and get some good stuff done.

So I got down. A bunch of bad shit happened all at once. First came the family stress, then came the realization that I'm leaving all my best friends, then Camp Texas (which sucked, pretty much) made me question the fact that I'm going to the biggest party school in the country. Then Quakecon got to a rocky start and I started to wonder if I had even lost my touch with gaming. Needless to say, I was a little puzzled at how absolutely everything could be going wrong.

Then Quakecon got better as the first day came to a close. I found some damn cool new games that I'll be playing once they come out, so my faith in the game has returned. I've still got to try Doom3, which will hopefully come tomorrow. Then the really big deal was talking to my good friend Sophie. Not the Soph linked at right, but a girl actually named Sophie from Albequerque who's going to UT. I hadn't gotten to really talk to her in a really long time just because of the craziness that's been in my life - honestly, for close to a week I had flat forgotten her. But, as always, it was so great to talk to a like-minded chica. She's really a lot smarter/nicer/more my type than I had gotten the impression of at orientation. And that made everything come back to me - the reasons why I was so excited to go to Austin. Sophie reminded me that I'm not entirely surrounded by booze-crazed Greeks who could care less about the good they're doing themselves by actually going to college. So I'm calmed back down. The happiness kind of put me back to neutral on the whole going to school thing, and that's exactly the kind of shape I need to be in heading in.

So, uh, yeah, whoever jacked my optical outlet cover at Nick's, I kinda want that back. Thanks.

For the Quakecon-bound crowd:

-The party officially starts on Thursday, but typically there's an early check-in on Wednesday night. I'm getting back into town Wednesday afternoon, so I'm leaving it to Aroon to figure out the plan for going. You guys should expect to go early and wait a long time. But it's a good time, it really is.
-The registration list has been seriously cleaned up to get rid of duplicate/fake entries and things like that. As a result, the BYOC waitlist has been cut by several hundred. So if you were considering going but were worrying about the waitlist *cough*Thomas*cough* then pack your stuff - cause you're #168 now. Check your status here.
-If you are on the waiting list, you cannot check in Wednesday night. You have to come on Thursday at 2PM. If you made the first cut for the BYOC, you must come before Thursday at 2PM. 2PM is the BYOC release time, at which point waiting list attendees basically get in first come, first serve.
-If you're in my room, have a healthy amount of money ready. The room comes out to $340, which we're all splitting evenly. Also, parking ain't free. I don't want to spend my last week in town chasing down all you guys because you owe me money for the room. Bring floorspacing gear, too.

-I finally got my damn chores done! I feel less stressed now.
-I'm the happy owner of a Canon Powershot S200. 'Tis a great thing.
-I finally got some time behind the wheel of a manual transmission. I feel like that's the only valuable thing I've learned all summer.

So life was calming down and I'm relaxed, except Monday things go crazy all over again.

Mon-Wed: Camp Texas. Austin.
Wed-Sun: Quakecon. Dallas.

I will be spending exactly one night at home through that whole week and I'm very, very psyched. I mean, damn, Quakecon's going to be huge. 2,000 man lan. Everyone I've ever known is showing up to this one. What a way to finish the summer with a bang.

I've got my keyboard and mouse and I'm ready to rock.

God damn, I am too lazy for my own good. It took me forever to get myself to work out today, I'm taking absolutely forever with that transcription of all my interviews from CPL last weekend, and Sarah's totally flaked out on me twice. I'm only sleeping 7-hour nights, so that means I'm awake 17 hours a day. And I feel like I'm accomplishing next to nothing, which is really disconcerting because I know I've got a lot of shit to get done in the next two weeks. One of those weeks is already occupied, so I count six remaining empty weekdays until I'm due in Austin. It seems like there are a ton of little things I've still got to add to my to-do list, so I'm going to get down there with a bunch of stuff that's not done here and it'll be total chaos.

Maybe I really am stressed after all.

New addition to the Top Women list: an 18-year-old from the Dominican Republic who's named Amelia Vega.

She's the reigning Miss Universe.

This woman is truly gorgeous. Click.

A quick requested pimping from Drew, who I respect more and more as the days float by just for being the Swank� motherfucker he is.

He's having everyone involved in his newest 'creation' to his house Thursday at 6pm. It's requested that you bring exactly $4 for food. Drinks are on the house.

I'd go into a post explaining my movie-making experience at his place, but it's very late and I'm trying to meditate.

Update: Whoops, I thought this night involved movie production. I'm wrong; it's a plain and simple Movie Night.

Two weeks ago I would have perfectly associated with the song of the same name. After a few days of pure confusion, I realized what it was: challenge. So much for being able to associate myself with that song. There was no major pressing challenge in my life. With school done with, I had nothing sitting in the back of my mind putting on just that tiny bit of pressure that usually keeps me going.

So then along came the stress associated with the death of my grandmother. Given the context, it's wrong to say this, but it was an adrenaline rush having to think and live at a hundred miles an hour. There's the challenge, and so my balance was restored.

Life's even better now with a little success with the opposite sex. I lived a little adventurously for a while, so that need's been fulfilled. Yet where I thought the gap was filled, I've come to realize it isn't. Maybe I'm waiting for more than a little success with the opposite sex. Maybe something more along the lines of a typical happy relationship. That's my best guess.

If I look at myself from the outside, I'm happy as hell to look around and realize where I am. I just feel unsettled, like it's impossible to be comfortable. I haven't been mellowed for a very long period of time since summer began. I finally realized that living life without enough sleep and trip-hop music was meditation for me. It kept me sane, it keps my brain firing on all its pistons, and that's why I'm starting to really look forward to school. Yes, even the work part of it.

Once again, it looks like all the answers to my questions are hidden somewhere in Austin.

Almost forgot to mention, I'm back home and life is back to normal. And my job is over once and for all, so I'm off for a week.

OK, this Internet Connection catastrophe has gone on long enough. Here I am to show what the site really needs: fucked up cybersex.

bloodninja : Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja : Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja : Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja : Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja : I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja : I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja : I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja : Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja : I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja : Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja : King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja : You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja : Baby?

----

bloodninja : Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja : A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja : I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja : Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja : Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja : It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja : I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja : Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja : Goddam am I hard now.

----

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA : Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA : huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA : Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.

----

bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
Katie_007: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.
Katie_007: ...
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Katie_007: whatever.